Are you someone that friends and family go to when they have a problem or feel stuck in life? If you are, then you may have thought of training in counselling skills.

Many skills used by professional counsellors are or similar to those used by anyone who helps others as part of their working role, or relationship. These skills include:

• creating and maintaining a warm and genuine relationship - sometimes called ‘rapport’ -  where the individual feels accepted, without judgement, whatever is said

• giving the person full attention, actively listening and being aware of what the client is communicating, verbally and non-verbally

• clarifying any ambiguous or generalised statements

• showing attention and some understanding of a situation by putting what the client says into your own words

• summarising some important issues that need attention, and
  enabling the exploration of these themes in order that the person can identify some options for action.

Counselling skills are used consciously to support the individual’s decision-making or feeling better, without the counsellor imposing his or her own view on what the client should do or even feel. This does not match what a parent or good friend might do.

As a parent, you may help your child in many ways; these include giving encouragement, providing unconditional love, giving money, being generous, creating laughter, practising discipline, giving ‘tough love’, and always being available.

As a good friend, you can offer elements of loyalty, a sense of standing up for another person, honesty, money-lending, being fun to be with, sharing, occasional disagreements, availability and opinions.

In contrast, a counsellor has a more formal relationship; he or she will help reduce the person’s confusion by exploring and understanding the current situation as a forerunner to plans of action. A safe space will be provided in which the individual can express his or her thoughts openly, without fear of judgement, opinions or advice. 

The counsellor’s toolkit of skills includes those of forming an understanding relationship, as well as interventions focused on enabling clients change specific aspects of their feeling, thinking and acting. By emphasising clients as choosers, the counsellor places the client ‘in the driving seat’ so that he or she becomes responsible for his or her own choices (as opposed to taking another person’s advice in a passive way). Effective living involves making the daily smaller choices correctly, not just the big choices. The promotion of elf reliance is an important aim of good counselling.

A fulfilled life means that individuals make appropriate choices in the areas of feeling, thinking and acting. Appropriate feeling choices enable people to be open to their experiences, acknowledge their feelings, and be aware of what they want. Appropriate thinking choices enable people to regulate self-defeating feelings, avoid defensiveness, problem-solve and plan. Appropriate acting choices enable people actively to meet their needs through mutually satisfying and enhancing relationships and through gaining meaning in work and leisure.

Check out the Counselling skills courses that are available from the Academy for Distance Learning. You will find courses that help you to reach your counselling skills potential.